What Have You Learned?

The latest edition of Esquire includes a series of interviews (all short) in which interesting people from different fields answer the question, "What have I learned?" You can read the interviews by clicking here. My own response to this question follows. It's a good exercise to do; reminds you of all the people who helped and shaped you along the way.

You get exactly as much time as you get, so do something with it. My dad died with he was only 54 after working at the same place for 38 years. I’m 48 and hope I get more, but if I went today I’d be satisfied, grateful for all of it. I’ve seen and done so much. And, of course, hope I get 48 more.

Your life is your story; make it worth telling and don’t lose control of it by letting others tell it. You don’t tell it through your words: You tell it through your actions.

No one can make your mistakes for you or protect you from the ones you must make. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. They often involve pain and humiliation, but also tend to result in wisdom so long as you keep listening and learning.

We can’t make it on our own. We all need guides in one form or another. My wife is the best guide I’ll ever have, but I’ve had others, people whose words I came to trust even when they didn’t seem true at the time. I learned to give myself permission to listen. So, for example, when my boss Danilo told me, as I was leaving for North Africa, to not quit no matter how bad things got, I listened. It got bad, real bad at times. You’re twenty-two in a small town in Africa, no other Americans around, living in a foreign language, cut off from home. And Danilo’s words would come to me and I would move through that confusion and find my way again. The lives of poets––Milosz, Stafford, Heaney, Rilke––offer guidance, as do their words, as well.

All the people I respect most seem to be humble people who have devoted their lives to improving their craft in order to make a difference. One of my mentors, Parker Palmer, told me he is guided by two questions: What are my gifts? And, how can I make the best use of these gifts to benefit the greatest number? I do my best to live these questions.

Books have enriched my life immeasurably, taken me places I could not go, allowed me to experience lives I will never life. They have saved me, sheltered me, kept me company my whole adult life. All sorts of books, from the Bible to poetry, novels and everything else. I read everything, everyday. I can’t imagine a life without books.

Integrity means being the same person wherever you go, whomever you are with. Such integrity comes from truly knowing yourself and doing what you must to be worthy of the respect of all who know you.

There’s always another way. My whole life I’ve listened to my mother say, “We’ll find a way to work it out.” And it’s true, no matter how it may seem at the time.

Gardening teaches you everything you need to know about life, relationships, and happiness.

Everything I am, have accomplished, have become that matters has come somehow from my relationship with my wife, Susan Marie Dykman Burke. 23 years: that’s a lot of learning, a lot of love, a lot of laughter, a lot of life.

Comments

[Rvesper]

Well stated. I too lost a parent early, my mother died when she was only 48. As I am about to turn 40 and enter the phase of life where she began to lose hers it has been pretty interesting to reflect back. Thankfully I recovered after her loss and began to devour life. I have chosen using my skills to the best of my ability to make this world a better place much like you have. But we all know life gets in the way sometimes and it's good to get a reminder every once in a while. Thanks for posting.

I've been blessed by a multitude of incredible influences, my only hope is that I can be that kind of influence to others.